I am wrong
I've wronged myself
Allah blessed me
But I've wronged Him, and my self
And here I am, forcing myself to stop,
Before I went to far and worship something other than Him
Allah gave me power
Allah gave me wealth
Allah gave me knowledge
But have I done good deeds with them?
Only a little, too little to be count
I used to put the world in my hand
Then it became both of my hands
Then I put it on brain
Then it went to my veins
Then it had me put it in my heart
This is when something went too far
This is when I turned blessing into calamity
This is when I started to be mildly depressed
I don't feel that happy as I thought I would
I have never felt that lighthearted
Worse,
I just feel like I don't fit
And I've tried so hard to fit in
Then I realize
I should never try to
I am not a slave of the world
I am a slave of Allah
It's the intention that was wrong
Intention to fit
Intention to be one of those
This place is not wrong
It's me that have just wronged myself
Should have never put the world in my heart
Not even in my mind
It's the throne of Allah that should stand there
It should be Allah that is on my heart
It should be Allah that is inn my vein
Allah on my mind
Allah on top of the world
And allow me to reset
Allow me to restart
Allow me to pick this self up
That I am here because of Allah
I am here because I promised Allah that I will live myself to the fullest and be a useful person
I promised Allah I'll never get tired of seeking knowledge
I promised Allah I'll conquer the world for Him
I promised Allah I'll help the weak
I promised Allah I'll teach people
I promised Allah I'll never fail to try again
I promised Allah that I'll never love anything more than I love him
And I should work hard,
I should give my best to my work,
I should not give up on my work,
I should be sincere on my work,
for Allah has promised through His Rasul (SAW),
"Indeed, among the sins, there is something that cannot be erased by (reward) prayer, alms or pilgrimage. But it can only be redeemed by sincerity in earning a living"
And I put believe,
If it is only Allah I worship,
The world will start follow me in my back.
Jakarta, 14 Oktober 2019
23.13 WIB
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